In: Redding, CA. Feelings.

Well, there isn't a cure quite like Bob Dylan for a tender heart. About every other moment of the day I feel like laying outside in the warm sun and letting his sound snuggle me. For some beautiful reason, ol' Robby's music is warmth to me.

Part of what has been hard for me in healing from letting Korbin go has been instantly losing my "mommyness." My arms feel empty, my house feels empty (even with all the people in it right now), and my everyday life feels empty. But, at the same time, I am full of so much love, life, and presence of Holy Spirit. I told him tonight how grateful I was to just have him tangibly pleased with me all the time. This would be a hell of a lot worse without his smiles.

I'm in a kind of cool place right now. I have no desire whatsoever to find another job to replace this last one, so I am completely comfortable in the dangling position of trust. I think I still see myself as being on the floor and I'm perfectly content to experience endless encounters with God while I'm down here. I smile a lot, laugh a lot, thank God for a lot, and I cry a little too. I try to remember that Korbin was never "mine" but that I was keeping him safe and launching him into his destiny as a radical revivalist and revolutionist- my little love-bomb baby. He was always God's and never mine. Just saying that is oddly comforting.

Thank you for all the love that has barreled us these past two weeks. Joel and I are doing so well and feeling a lot of pleasure surrounding us and our lives. Pray for us, that we would have wisdom and be given supernatural direction for our life together in the next couple of months. We feel like we are on the edge of a great adventure and we are ready to jump into whatever ocean is awaiting our plunge.

Tenderness and love can only bring positive change. So, I'm all in, no matter what.

Try to remember to thank God for what he has given you, even in the tears that flow from what has been taken away. God is good; and he gives more than could ever be comfortable for anyone to receive. Love sees no end to his kindness.

What a beautiful life.